Birthday

My third birthday
This weekend was the big birthday. For a year now everyone has been saying, "wow, so you are about to join the club, about to hit the big 3-0, how does it feel?" In all honesty, I feel the same. Last year, however, I had a really rough time. I mostly attribute it to the fact that I had an 18 month old (special needs that I didn't know was special needs) and a 3 month old, postpartum depression and if I wasn't nursing or making a bottle I was cleaning poop of off everything including the occasional diaper. I was stuck at home covered in all kinds of bodily fluids remembering that not too long ago I was able to leave the house without someone kindly pointing out the spit up in my hair, poop on my shirt, pacifier clipped to my shorts, etc. I was free to browse grocery aisles without watching one child eye gouge the other, or knock off an entire row of cereal boxes as we passed by. I could wear earrings without having them ripped out and thrown across the room. It was the end of a decade; the decade that changed my life. I graduated from college, lived and worked on my own, got married, had two kids, made mistakes, made memories, learned some tough lessons and had some really really amazing times all in that decade. So, 29 was rough. This year, I felt much more ready to take on a new decade. Probably since the last couple of years have been so challenging I am completely ready for a change. Something new and if it only comes in the form of age, I will take it for now!

The night before my birthday we had dinner at my parents house. The kids played outside and pushed cars around the back yard. After Wren went to bed, Cruz and I went outside together to find daddy. Jason was unloading the kids stuff and reloading our stuff in the car for our weekend trip to Kansas City. It was my favorite time of the day, just after the sun has set and before it is completely dark. Everything seems to cast this warm soft glow. Darkness crept over the twilight and pretty soon the lightning bugs came out. In the distance, fireworks lit up in bright green. "Mama" Cruz smiled at me and signed for more. We stood there cheek to cheek and waited around to see if there was another. A couple of minutes later we heard the 'thump' and searched the sky until we saw the red firework explode and then sizzle down. So, we just plopped down on the driveway which was still warm from all of the sunshine that day. Cruz sat on my lap and we just waited in silence together. The night was still, the breeze was warm, the humidity was low. Closing my eyes, I felt as though I was somewhere else, somewhere by the ocean. The 'thump' and 'mamamamama' brought me back around to reality. We cheered and clapped our hands and Cruz smiled so big. Soon Mimi and Papa came out and sat beside us as well. I am sure that as cars passed by and people caught a glimpse of four people sitting in the driveway in the dark, they were confused, but it was so nice. Jason finally joined us and we all sat in a circle with Cruz on my lap. The conversation was only briefly paused by the nearby occasional firework. We sang twinkle twinkle and Cruz signed moon and star over and over. It was such a pleasant evening and reminded me of all of the summer evenings growing up. It was the perfect precursor to my birthday.

The rest of the weekend was steady balance between fun and restful. The kids stayed with Mimi and Papa and did really well for them. They were perfectly fine all weekend... til mommy came home. They have been making me pay for leaving them! It didn't help that the power went out at 5:30 Monday morning. So the sound machines got quiet and soon Cruz came bouncing in. He loves to steamroll all over me in bed, and lay on me nose to nose and say 'mamamamama' on repeat. Its one thing to wake up early on your own, its another to be awakened. So, no lights, no coffee, no television, no computer, of course no gluten, no nothing. The temperature slowing began to rise and that was the start to a very busy, very hectic week full of appointments and meetings, school, therapy, etc. It has been crazy already. Both kids have had multiple meltdowns for no real reasons, other than to subtly tell me not to leave town again. So I will cherish the still moments, especially the twilights together. So, here's to another year. Hopefully a year of miracles, breakthroughs, laughter, and peace.